At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
