Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
There are leaves in my underwear?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
