I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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