I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
