He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
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did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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