Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
