And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize