Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
