The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
