I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
