So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
