It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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