Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
