I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
