Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
