I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
