i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
