i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Drunk is not a location!
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
