Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I am available for nakedness
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
