his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
