That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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