Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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