I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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