we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
