mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Hippo gnu deer
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
