Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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