No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
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