I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
