im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
