dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Randomize
