i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
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