I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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