Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
