Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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