It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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