Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
meet me or not, i'm out of control
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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