I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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