I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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