Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
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