i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
