while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
