Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
