I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize