If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
