I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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