i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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