Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
