did you get engaged???
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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