Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
