I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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