i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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