u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize