I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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