You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Randomize
