You're so nebulous sometimes
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
