How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
