dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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