OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
