I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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