if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
