Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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