Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
