Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
