Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
