I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I just threw up on my dentist
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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