i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
