she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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