WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
